A year already?

 

Today on Instagram I called it a reminder, maybe it's a note to self or perhaps something I simply want to enter into my journal for future reference as needed, however this I know for sure: starting my day with positivity and a smile has helped me get through this past year.

It's hard to believe that last year at this time we had just returned from an anxiety ridden time away in Mexico. It was supposed a nice time, a regular getaway like we have always taken. A trip planned more than a year prior to departing not knowing very much about this virus. We knew very little about how things would escalate so quickly globally and that was so very naive of me.  For this trip our scheduled departure date was earlier then usual to get ahead of March breakers to get in some extra time in. We had left before non essential travel messaging started. We were already away when news of  'return home' begun; except we could not get on an earlier flight home and so the remainder of our scheduled stay was nothing like a holiday really.

We kept to ourselves the entire time and dealt with the nervousness that came along with being away at a time when the world felt very uncertain. Upon leaving the hotel we noticed my shoes were stolen, so flip flops it was for me. The tour bus didn't turn up to bring us to the airport, so coordinated our own way with tight timing getting to a chaotic airport.  Everything felt like hurdles that morning, almost like an out of body experience whenever I think back to it. I have never been more relieved to touch down at home on a Toronto runway. We quarantined upon return and I was very quiet for some time needing to decompress from the entire experience.  

I didn't share any photos of our trip on social media like I would normally because I was very sensitive to the fact that our intention wasn't to flippantly travel during a pandemic. Things unraveled very quickly and I didn't feel the need to defend myself or be judged; I felt enough internal guilt and worry. I often wonder what our decision to travel would have been if the intended departure date was a couple of days later? I know I would have looked to cancel.  But you cannot change things that are in the past, you can only look to the future and learn lessons. 

Getting back to that last time we were away:  we didn't want to transfer any anxiety to my daughter and in trying to maintain to some level of normalcy for her, we came back to smiles and positivity.  I do believe this mindset and action got us through that trip. That choice to smile and look to positivity also played a big role in getting me through every subsequent day that followed. Looking back at this past year there has been so much heaviness but I also feel like there has been silverlinings and glimmers of light and hope.  I choose to navigate every day starting with positivity and smiles, it's like an antidote to negativity and challenges. I have faith we will persevere and emerge on the other side of all this stronger and more resilient than ever.  NM, Xx.